What Are Your Thoughts My Love?
Some days I struggle with not knowing your thoughts. Your words are very few. I kneel down and look into your deep green eyes, "Elias, how was your day at school?" You seem content holding my hand. And no matter how many times or how many different ways I ask you, you don't tell me anything about school.
My heart is restless. I have to be content with not knowing your thoughts. But I am not always content. I want to know every sweet thought and detail of your life.
What are your thoughts my love? Please, tell me your thoughts.
If only I could peek inside your mind and know what you want to tell me.
When your feelings are hurt or your brother made you sad, you can't tell me what happened; so you fold your body in half and you cry. In these moments I want to hear you speak. These moments break my heart. I long for a little "tattle" to come off of your lips. Or an angry dispute with your friend who took your favorite toy away.
Or the other night when you locked yourself in the dark bathroom. You were in there for twenty minutes and when I touched your little fingers under the door you let out a quiet, "Mama". I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. I am your voice right now, and when I am not there for you...it's hard for me. I feel like I wasn't there to protect you.
But then I have other days. Days when I am perfectly content with your ongoing ramblings that don't make any sense to me.
Days when I am satisfied with knowing you through your eyes. I know your cries, I feel your silence, your touch communicates to my soul. I know a lot of your thoughts just by watching you. And I know you love me. You know I love you.
And my protection for you? God has put me in your life to love and protect you, but He is your ultimate protector. He knows your every thought. All of your ramblings make perfect sense to Him.
You bring me joy my son. No matter what, you bring me joy. I am learning to be content. I am learning to enjoy the silence.
I am in love with you no matter what.