We all have things we are going through. Things that are good. Really good. And of course we have things that are difficult. Sometimes too difficult to talk about.
Writing has been one of the best and most challenging things in my life. There have been many times when I write and I don't want to hit publish. I don't want to share it with others because It's intimate or it's between me and God. Sometimes I fear to expose my soul—my flesh. Because when I stare at the words I wrote on paper it brings something that is hidden deep inside of me into light. And once I bring it to the surface I can't take it back. I expose denial. I fillet my heart for all to see, even myself. Why? Why do I talk about the hurt of miscarriage, the lows of motherhood? Why do I expose my secrets? Why do I share the happiness of having a son with Down syndrome, and the excitement of a home birth, or the joys of my marriage?
My life is not my own but it is for God to be honored. How sweet to know that the gifts God has given us are to be shared. Shared with our friends, family, people we've never met, our spouse, and our precious children.
I hit publish. My heart beats fast. My words rise to the surface. They lay open for all to read. And then there's this, things you have said to me...
...It is such a painful thing to experience a miscarriage and I find such comfort and hope by what you have written.
...I am on break at work and trying not to cry, but I was so moved by your post. I have a similar yet different experience with my son...
...However, there was a moment of beauty. She asked if we wanted an amnio and both my husband and I immediately said "no" at the same time and word for word then stated, "It wouldn't change our minds about having this baby anyhow."
I have met so many amazing people through this blog. And I have been humbled, challenged, and changed by a lot of you. So as I have been hitting publish and sharing what God has done in me, I want to encourage you to do the same. I'm not saying to start a blog, but if you want to...go for it! But maybe hitting publish for you comes in the form of writing a song, painting a picture, turning your journal into a book. Or maybe what you expose wont be for all the world to see, maybe it's for one person. One person that needs to know about what you are going through. One person that feels lost and needs hope.
Tomorrow we will head up into northern California to my cousin's church and I am going to hit publish. I am going to tell our story for the first time to a group of women I don't know. I am going to expose my soul...not because I'm awesome. But because God wants to use my life, and how sweet it is to be used by God.