Do you ever have those days when you learn things you don't want to? You know they're coming. And when they do, you hope you learn from them.
I felt like I failed my son yesterday. I felt something that I don't want to experience again. Being a parent is the best thing that's ever happened to me but also the biggest challenge.
Vitali woke up from his nap like a pack of wolves ready to attack! I took a deep breath and said "Buddy, why don't you go back to bed?" (Wrong thing to say to a two-and-a-half-year-old who knows what he wants). Every little thing set him off, and finally, mama bear had it and I snapped! My tone was ugly. Instead of yelling into a pillow, I yelled at him. "Oh no," I thought, "what have I done?" His little eyes whelled up with tears and confusion.
As soon as I pulled myself together, I sat beside him and told him I was sorry. "Please forgive me Vitali, mommy shouldn't have done that." He looked at me and put his hand up to his little ear and said, "It feels bad." Guilt set in immediately when I realized the poor guy felt terrible because of an ear infection.
I messed up. I have before, and I'll do it again. But I'm not proud. I always want my kids to know when I've acted wrongly. They need to know. Why? Because I'm not perfect and I am always learning and growing. When they hear me apologize, they are learning to apologize.
"Forgive me" are two words our family will hear, say, and love.
Last night I held my firstborn close. I stared at his tired little body and I said, "I love you sweet boy, so much." I put my face up to his and felt his breath on my cheek. I left Vitali's room feeling humbled, yet so proud to be his mom.