Side to side, up and down movements, there is only so much room for so much life. Time is slipping into the moment when I will lay my eyes onto new toes, little hands that wrap around my finger, and the most beautiful of all scents; the fresh skin of a newborn.
I think a lot about this pregnancy, it’s different than my others. I know more, maybe too much. Experience has it’s way of robbing a blessing. The agony of losing an unborn child is cold and empty. I try to escape those thoughts. I look down and see my belly shake with life, I smile. The past has shaped who I am today, but I am not living then, I am living now.
The pain of a mother could be the end of her, or it could be the beginning of new eyes and thoughts. It could be the beginning of a love that burns deeper than she knew before.
My Mother’s Day started with me crying because my oldest son didn’t want to wear anything to church except for his Spiderman suit or his Robin Hood costume. I guess the crying worked. Vitali tilted his head to the side and said, “Mommy, are you sensitive?” I think at this point I have two things against me with crying over something as silly as what my son wears to church on Mother’s Day; one, I’m a chick, and two, my pregnancy hormones have a mind of their own…and they’re in full force!
My favorite part of Mother’s day was the pictures. Nothing changes, you always get more “real” pictures than you do “pretty and posed.”
Yup, it really doesn’t change…
Not really sure what's going on here. I'm doing my obnoxious fake laugh and my sister is holding a headless mermaid Barbie.
Kinda normal, but my mom's trying not to laugh, and I'm not sure who she is trying to kiss.
Pretending to be normal.
I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s day!
She’s that mom…
The one that is having a hard day because her two-year-old threw a bowl of cereal at her while the three-year-old has run out of underwear because of too many poop accidents. You can find her with her head buried in the pantry cupboard, that’s where her chocolate stash is. Did I mention it’s only 7am?
You know her…
The one that is saying to herself, “Just breathe, be patient with him, just breathe,” and then in an instant she snaps and both children are looking at her like they just saw her eyeballs pop out of her head.
Maybe you’ve seen her…
She looks really nice tonight. You assume she is a better mother than you. She always has a smile and is always bubbly. Little do you know it has been a really hard day… She just looks great because she’s happy to get out of the house and talk to “big people.”
It’s no secret, I’m that imperfect mother. And there’s more, my tired mother brain can’t keep track of all the days I really stink at being a mom. But I’m real. I know I need help. I can’t do this difficult 24/7 job on my own.
I’ve seen you…
You were at the grocery store, attempting to give your screaming child a time out. You were trying to keep it together but your frizzed-out hair and creased brow gave you away. Quietly you whispered threats to your child, hoping that she would close her mouth and not wake up the sleeping baby in your cart; she just got louder. You breath, you pace, and I watch you. I don’t judge you, I’ve been there, and I will be there again.
So why do we have a day dedicated to us, to the imperfect mothers? It’s our imperfection that brings us to our knees; eye level with the ones that are watching us all the time. It is our imperfection that brings out beauty in our mothering. It is our imperfection that makes us realize we can’t do it alone. We have a perfect God that can take our imperfection and use it to make our children something great.
Celebrate your weakness, your imperfection. As soon as you know you’re imperfect, you are becoming a great mother.
Happy Mother’s Day!!
“Where’s Vitali?” I thought to myself. “It’s too quiet, he must be up to something.” On the side of the house I found my son sitting on the toilet he designed out of bricks. It also included the details of a pipe for the waste, and a handle to flush the waste. I pulled out my phone to take a picture of his creation, then I sent the photo to my husband and asked him, “Is this creativity gone too far?” He responded, “As long as he doesn’t poop in it, I think it’s okay.” I never thought our parenting discussions would sound like this, but they do, and I like it.
My goal as Vitali’s mom is to keep his unique mind going as much as possible. I admit, it’s hard to keep up with him.
If we decide to put Vitali into public school I’m pretty sure I will have many calls from his teachers. And then I will have to sigh and say, “Oh, I have no idea where he came up with that!”
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Have you gone outside lately? Have you noticed the skip in the old man’s step, the teenager with their arm out the car window and music blasting, more joggers than usual, short skirts…too short, the playful screams of neighborhood children floating into your open kitchen window, the fragrance of BBQ finding it’s way to your nostrils and changing your mind about what you should eat for dinner? The warm weather has graced us with it’s beautiful presence and I feel like a new woman! It doesn’t take much to make me feel this way; just hand me an iced tea, a beach chair, and let me watch children play.
In California spring gets a little confused with summer, and I’m okay with that. The sooner my boys can sink their lips into a juicy watermelon or enjoy their first ice cream cone that drips onto their bare chubby belly, the better.
There is too much to enjoy…get outside and enjoy it!
P.S. Because I like you I want to share a little secret with you…
It’s a secret that will change your life. Yeah, Starbuck’s ain’t got nothin’ on me!!
Love,
Natalie
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