This month has been mixed with sorrow and joy. A lot of tears and laughter. I have realized that it is hard for me to write when I am in the middle of processing difficult things. My blog has taken a little pause as I am getting used to new adjustments with my children and grieving the end of my grandma's life. I would love to write more but my heart is too heavy...for now, some pictures of life and joy.
These last few weeks I have been thanking God for giving us more time on this earth with one of my favorite people. One moment I was on the phone with my mom, the next I was throwing clothes into a suitcase to give my Grandma a kiss on the forehead. As we drove for seven hours, I prayed that it wasn't goodbye, but just a really good visit.
When life's fragility becomes a reality, memories tucked deep into my mind find their way into my thoughts. I remember road tips with grandma. I would spend the night with her and Esther, her long time buddy from Pasadena. We would watch old movies together. Whenever a love scene came on, they would throw a knitted blanket over my head and tell me to wait until it was over. I said "Ok," and then carefully moved the blanket to make a hole and see what all the passion was about. They both thought I was perfect, so they never once thought I would peak.
The next morning my grandma would wake me while it was still dark to get ready for our long drive. We were going to visit my aunt and cousins. I would get dressed, splash water on my face, and sit down to eggs and toast. Grandma always said breakfast was the most important meal of the day. She always insisted on making us eggs.
Once we got on the road she would put on her favorite music. Usually it was Celine Dion, the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack, or the Phantom of the Opera. Our first stop was the Denny's at the bottom of the Grapevine. She would let me order whatever I wanted. Being one of five kids, going out to a restaurant was a big deal. And being the amazing grandma she is, she always told me to order a hot chocolate.
I began to cry as I thought about all the precious memories I have with my grandma. They are such a sweet part of my life. When we arrived at the hospital we hugged and kissed all the family that was surrounding her. I kissed her and told her I loved her, then I watched my children kiss her. And I was so overjoyed to watch her meet Bjorn, her 21st great-grandchild.
We are praising God for my grandma's recovery from her heart attack and open-heart surgery. She is determined to walk on the beach this summer with all of her family alongside her. There are more memories to be made! We love you grandma!
To the beach!
Words cannot tell you my love for you. We cannot revisit the sadness we have known, nor the laughter we have exhaled...
All of it has made up who we are today. Our marriage carries a depth we have never known before.
Eleven years is beautiful because we have worked hard for it. It has not come easy, When the world told us that we deserved better we held each other close—we clung to God's grace. When our love failed, His was unfailing.
To eleven more...until we die. With all the mess and beauty in-between, my heart is yours.